Chapter Zero

                         MOUSE POTATOES

Sparky:		Excuse me, not trying to be too p.c., 
		but I prefer the phrase "Internaut."

GREETER:	Oh. Sorry.


GREETER:	"GhostWriter" has entered the room

Sparky:         Hey Ace you idjit "ciao" isn't spelled with an "h" 

Acid Ace:	it is the way I spelli t

GREETER:	"No2BatFan" has entered the room

No2BatFan:	hey is this the chat about the new Batman movie?

AcidAce:	what's the plural of chao

Sparky:		oh I get it

GREETER:	"Thelma" has entered the room

AcidAce:        hi thelma

Sparky:		hey

Thelma:		hello

No2BatFan:	is this chat about the new Batman movie?

Sparky:		hey Ace did you bring the beer

Thelma:         okay I give u p

AcidAce:	you KNOW what I brought

Thelma:         what is the plural of chao ?

AcidAce:	chaos

Sparky:		Chaos

GREETER:	"2468" has entered the room

GREETER:	"c2" has entered the room

AcidAce:        hiya

Sparky:		hey guys

Thelma:		LOL

No2BatFan:	I SAID, is this chat about the Batman movie?

AcidAce:	no

Thelma:		NO

Sparky:		no

2468: 		Does everyone in this room know Jesus?

AcidAce:	um, Ijust want to make sure everybody is
                here for the Freedom Hall chat

Thelma:		I AM

Sparky:		c2: you here for freedom chat?


AcidAce:	Thelma you still have caps lock on - it's 
		like your shouting at us

Thelma:		sorry

c2:		i m just watching

Thelma:		I'm new to the net - bear with

AcidAce:	hey, it's cool - we'll walk you through it, sister.

GREETER:	"@*$#!!" has entered the room

Sparky:		hey Lion is that you

AcidAce:	this your first chat room, thelma?

@*$#!!:		yup

No2BatFan:	VENOM RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thelma:		yeh - it's so confusing

AcidAce:	You've just got to focus on one conversation and 
		ignore the rest

Sparky:		{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lion}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thelma:		I've got a freind here coaching me on the lingo

AcidAce:	you know "LOL" means "laugh out loud" - do you 
		know "LMAO"?

Thelma:		laugh my ass off

AcidAce:	how about "emoticons"?

Thelma:		:  )

@*$#!!:		emoticons ar ethe language of the future - that's
		why I use icons for my login name

Thelma:		more like the past

@*$#!!:		how so?

Thelma:		to me, it seems like the cute garbate we used to 
		put on our notes when we were in jr high - harts 
		dotting the "i"s and all that shit -

AcidAce:	Whaddaya know, I DID learn something useful in high
               	school   } : ^ 0

Thelma:		what use is punctuation without words?

@*$#!!:		i read a long article about it in an online e-zine - 
		the language is still evolving + the pace is much
		faster online - once everyone's online there'll be 
		quantum leaps in language and communication -
		soon we wont NEED words

c2:		that s not true

c2:		internet is based on written language

c2:		so written language will survive for millennia

@*$#!!:		intersting idea - i'm not sure I agree

c2:		all language preserved electronically thousands of 
		years after books have become sawdust

Thelma:		The Internet will NEVER replace a good book.

@*$#!!:		one day we will ALL be part of the net

Thelma:		That's what scares me. : ^ )

c2:		internet will save the world

c2:		on computer disc

AcidAce:	{{{{{{{{{{{{{Thelma}}}}}}}}}}}}}

AcidAce:	^^^^^you know what this is^^^^^

Thelma:		no

AcidAce:	an Internet hug

Thelma:		{{{{{{{{{{{{{AcidAce}}}}}}}}}}}}}

@*$#!!:		this is so sweet - pardon me while I hurl

Sparky:		hey Ace I want you to meet a great kid smartest guy
		I know - this is Lion (@*$#!!)

AcidAce:	hi Lion

Sparky:		we met at Wyoming Gathering in '94

@*$#!!:		hi

AcidAce:	I was there too, lion. welcome home, brother

AcidAce:	{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lion}}}}}}}}}}}}}

@*$#!!:		{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ace}}}}}}}}}}}}}

2468:		For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom 
		against kingdom; and there shall be famines, and
		pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. 
		Matthew 24:7

@*$#!!:		did you see the forest fire

AcidAce:	SEE it? listen man, get together with me some time 
		I'll tell you things about that fire you never knew.

Sparky:		Lion told me 5 years ago that the Internet was gonna
		be bigger than Jesus

@*$#!!:		it's a deal

AcidAce:	lmao

2468:		The First Commandment: Thou shalt have no other
		gods before Me

AcidAce:	I thought the Beatles were gonna be bigger 
		than Jesus

@*$#!!:		well the internet's gonna be bigger than the beatles

No2BatFan:	<<<<<<<<-----------BATMAN---------<<<<<|======+

Thelma:		get real - nobody's gonna be bigger than the Beatles

2468:		The Second Commandment: Thou shalt not make 
		unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of
		any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in 
		the earth beneath, or that is in the water under 
		the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to 
		them, nor serve them.
		Exodus 20:4-5

AcidAce:	I think we hit a nerve

Thelma:		that's some nerve all right

No2BatFan:	Oh god this is'nt one of those religious sites is it


AcidAce:	what is your name Thelma


Thelma:		ALISON



AcidAce:	HEY ALISON want a hit

Thelma:		sure

AcidAce:	I'll give you a shotgun

No2BatFan:	I want one too

AcidAce:	: ) -- ( :

Thelma: 	LMAO

@*$#!!:		why "thelma," alison?

Thelma:		Its my friend 's computer - she's a big fan of 
		"Thelma and Louise"


Thelma:		Hey "Ace" - are you this cool in real life?

AcidAce:	I'm cooler

@*$#!!:		tell "louise" hi for us

AcidAce:	better looking, too

Thelma:		Dont get the wrong idea - your not exactly my type

AcidAce:	oh

Thelma:		"Louise" says hello

GREETER:	"2468" has exited the room

Sparky:		I'm back

AcidAce:	Whither goest thou, Sparky?

Sparky:		dueling Bible verses.

@*$#!!:		Sparky can never resist a theological debate

Sparky:		a little private convo with "2468" about the 
		difference between the Bible and bibliomancy

AcidAce:	"bibliomancy"?

Sparky:		ancient fortunetellers' trick - open a book 
		anywhere, read what it says and it will answer
		your question

Thelma:		my Dad used to do that with his Bible

Sparky:		a lot of people did - it's a great means of 
		divination, especially with the Bible. But 2 many 
		modern Christians approach their faith the same way 
		- as if they can pick and choose God's word to 
		justify their actions, and ignore the overall message 
		of love. "2468" seems to be one of those

AcidAce:	everybody, meet Sparky

Sparky:		did I miss anything while I was gone?

AcidAce:	we were just discussing the many names of Alison, 
		I mean "Thelma"

Sparky:		Lion, did you ever notice that the only places where 
		people choose their own names are the Internet and 
		the Rainbow Gathering?

@*$#!!:		names define identity + place in society - that's why 
		many women don't change their names when they get 
		married anymore - by choosing your own name, you're
		redefining your identity on your own terms

c2:		what is rainbow gathering

Sparky:		Indians used to get names based on great battles 
		they'd won and so forth, didn't they? or is that 
		just a cultural stereotype?

@*$#!!:		lots of cultures used to do that. the difference is 
		that other people usually chose those names. 
		choosing one's own name is unique as far as i know

c2:		question mark

Sparky:		Could it be the wave of the future? What does it all

@*$#!!:		don't mean sheeeeit as mr. natural would say

AcidAce:	hey batfan how come you're not no. 1?

No2BatFan:	"No1BatFan" was already taken

Thelma:		hey guys - "c2" wants to know what rainbow 
		gathering is

AcidAce:	dopesmoking drumbeating weeklong hippie fest in the

Sparky:		A place wher people of all faiths can gather to 
		worship the One in their own ways. We are all the 
		rainbow - He is the Light.

@*$#!!:		every July 4, 1000s of people gather in natl. forests
		to party and pray for world peace. its been going on 
		almost 30 yrs. it happens in a different state each 
		year - sort of hard to describe - if yer on the web
		check out

Thelma:		beautiful people, doing beautiful things

@*$#!!:		"the last best hope for humanty" - oh wait, 
		that's babylon 5

c2:		i see

AcidAce:	hey Alison I get the feeling I've met you before

Thelma:		I was just thinking the same thing. My friend

No2BatFan:	@:  babylon 5 is "The Last Best Hope for PEACE"

@*$#!!:		same diff

Thelma:		Maria would say that means something.

GREETER:	"c2" has exited the room

AcidAce:	Not "Mother" Maria?

Thelma:		the same

AcidAce:	r u with "mother maria's gypsy circus?"

Thelma:		No, but I've broken bread wit htthem.

AcidAce:	well FAR FREAKIN OUT!!!!

AcidAce:	do you know Harlan?

Thelma:		I'm not sure

AcidAce:	Harlan + Sparky are pals

GREETER:	"2468" has entered the room

2468:		Sparky I will pray for you

@*$#!!:		oh Jesus he's back

Sparky:		please do, we could all use a little prayer

2468:		you need to see the light

AcidAce:	hey Alison you 2 batfan and EVERYGODY you 

2468:		the loving light of Jesus Christ

No2BatFan:	hey @ - which do you like better bablyon 5 or DS9

@*$#!!:		that's it - i'm outta here

GREETER:	"@*$#" has exited the room

Sparky:		of course He loves me the question is do YOU

AcidAce:	to Freedom Hall in Texas for the

Sparky:		and if you don't you need to aks yourself why

AcidAce:	1999 Rainbow Gathering

Sparky:		He can love me but you can't?

2468:		Why do you blaspheme God with your lies?

Sparky:		lies? I was reading from the Bible!

AcidAce:	Alison make sure you tell Mother Maria - she can bring
		the whole freakin' circus if she wants

Thelma:		is that private land?

2468:		You better be thinking very very seriously about your 
		afterlife, Sparky. I know I am. The Lord God does not
		forgive blasphemy.

AcidAce:	VERY private. If you need directions, you can check 
		my website at


Sparky:		Ace, I better go before 2468 gets out her .357. bbl

2468:		How does it feel knowing God will never forgive you? 
		I really want to know.
GREETER:	"Sparky" has exited the room

No2BatFan:	i'm gone too guys. C ya

GREETER:	"No2BatFan" has exited the room

Thelma:		me too

AcidAce:	thelma! wait!

GREETER:	"Thelma" has exited the room

GREETER:	"AcidAce" has exited the room

2468:		Does anyone else here want to know about teh loving 
		light of Jesus?

GREETER:	"2468" has exited the room

Ghost Writer: 	so this is how it begins.

	#			#			#

23Al:		You have been reading

		.angelheaded hipsters and visionary tics

		an online novel by Alan Rankin

.angelheaded hipsters and visionary tics
(c) 1997 Alan Rankin